North Wales, Langollen (Thlan-goth-len to the welsh).
Detour – a winding, circuitous way [ French: de - asunder, tour- turning ] – a divergence from one’s direct or intended route. Apt, very apt!

Personel – Andreas, Bri, Bruce, Claire, Devina, Emma C ‘n’ L, Gary, Helen, Herbie, Laura M ‘n’ W, Lawrence, Lee, Liz, Marco, Mat, Mike L‘n’ B, Olly, Simon, Thom, Toony….

Temporary fabric erections. My new tent, the latest bargain, a £250 brand new Vango tent (in the Friday ad ) - £100! “Ok, who wants to share my new tent, eh, girls?” Thom – “yes please!”Devina and Laura – tentatively – “er, ok!” –no pun intented! Four put a tent up, following instructions. Later, Thom – “Now girls, if we zip our sleeping bags together, we’ll be really warm…” Oh yeah? Well, that’s what happened; Devina, Mat, Laura, Thom, and two lilos– what a cool way to christen a new tent! Cosy!

Posh brick shithouse, sinks, showers, grassy stuff, cute little bushes, etc…Luxury!

Wake / woken up in the middle of the night, dragged out of a cosy sleeping bag, away from a sexy babe, into a cold minibus, change in a dark layby, and carry a canoe to a wet slap-around-the-face wake up seal launch. I must be mad! (Yes, I did write wake up twice – if I wrote aroused on the first occasion, people would get the wrong idea!) This part of the canoeing has several important functions. Firstly, its so early that all the “experts” get time and space to play on the play waves, stoppers, and get all of those,“I hope that nobody saw that ” manoeuvres out of the way, (like Simon swimming on Serpent’s Tail!)”I was checking the bottom for the danger assessment analysis for the beginners” Secondly, there is a release of adrenalin, displays of machismo and posing, with relearning of old skills, in preparation for lemming (rescue) duties later.

Breakfast at the Bookshop, where tales of bravado, courage, and monster stoppers, sub zero water temperatures are passed on. Here, one aims for a balance between inspiring confidence, and loosening the bowels, of the beginners / later risers! This is closely linked to the “fight or flight” principle, (or, in canoe terms, the roll, wait or swim principle!) The Second Run - To the starting pooint. (Yes there are supposed to be 2 oo’s – it’s a joke about being nervous!) Everybody changes, without any delay whatsoever. As if! Those oft heard phrases that we’ve all said heard, echo out; Is there a wetsuit my size… Is this on the right way round? Yes, if your knees are on back to front… Now try putting on the bouyancy aid before your helmet…How about trying the spray deck with the big bit at the front instead?…Yes, legs go into the boat pointing that way, no, bum in last!… Are there any more oars?…So, we paddle the long hard bumble, and survive the trials of grade 2 and 3 water. A few swims, a few challenges to the lead and second pairs, with a variety of assorted people, boats, and paddles to rescue, etc. All safely to Horseshoe Falls.

Laura and Devina (my group), survive Serpent’s Tail upright. Emma takes a swim, after following lead Thom, who capsizes just in front of her. ( Later, her new leader, Lee, does exactly the same thing at town Falls, causing another swim! You just can’t get the leads these days..!) Laura does the Town Falls an alternative route, involving lots of backwards, and total avoidance of the rapids themselves, but still lots of nervous” What do I do now” bleating noises! Her determined attitude impresses when she insists on shooting that bit of the river again, this time capsizing on the first drop, then doing an amazing 4 almost hand rolls, each time getting enough breath to try again, eventually getting rescued by Lawrence, to tumultuous applause by the bridge crowd, really pleased for her, that she stayed in her boat. All regroup, swap stories, and relax. Minibus to the Eisteddford, or Exhibition Centre.

Change, moan at lack of showers, temperature of trickle, lack of trickle, etc… Visit the exhibition, see the gear, decide whether to resist the temptation of warm paddling (following the recent chilling), or say “To Hell with it, lets feed the overdraft!”, and get kitted out, determined to avoid frostbite in future. “No, sorry, we’re out of balance cream and heat powder, and we’ve only got courage in extra small, or bravery in liquid dark brown, with free loo roll!” See the photos stand, and realize that somewhere there might just be a photo of yourself looking cool, scared, or upside-down. Try to remember what colour your helmet was,(all photos being sorted according to helmet colour.)

Evening soon arrives,(dark at 4.30 pm). Pub food gives much needed nourishment / stomach lining for later alcoholic onslaught. Many tired paddlers, Mat’s massage service untangles shoulders (girls only, naturally!) Warm up your vocal chords, there’s competition over there! A hatful of dosh to keep Mike (President) in beer, since its his 21st today, or should that be beer in mike? (We sing “Happy Birthday” on the hour, every hour, to prove it!) Reading and Durham Uni offer weak competition in the singing, but provide entertainment nevertheless. We kicked ass, and Mike got his bit, by the bum biting brace baring beauty of Reading Uni. (Barking mad) Mat, “Hey”, (to 2 “Team Birds”, according to their t-shirts),” its Mike’s Birthday, aren’t you gonna give him a kiss?” They oblige, and Mike valiantly tries to fend them off with his tongue, though they keep coming back for more. Poor Mike! Later, and (I’m really proud of this,) I get both of the team birds to snog each other! Cool or wot? Then, even better, I get both of them to snog Mike at the same time!! Threesome! Excellent dudes! Gary gets to snog one (the less attractive, it must be reported,) having to sign her t-shirt ,(along with the other 300 names), first! The masses return to the campsite far too early, to engage in limbo and other games, I understand. Mike and Gary are the only 2 up for a trip to the nightclub, tempted by the taste of women, I guess. lawrence and I return to camp as the pub closes, bidding the dirty stopouts lots of luck. The welcome on return to my tent – “Hey girls,( Devina and Laura,) I’m home, did you miss me? ““Yes darling, come to bed quickly, its cold in here!” Fantastic! Am I dreaming? And so to bed! (Ok, so Thom was in there too, I confess, but he was asleep!)

Sunday is a sensible get up time, 9.30 or so! A relative lie in! Mike has the hangover from Hell. Dr Who Café to warm up and reform one’s body from___ into L shape, ready to paddle! A few blown overdrafts, as people decide to get fleeces, following Saturday’s chill – (£24 bargains).Gary and Tom show off, and gain lots of hero/loony points by getting wetsuit shorts, (£15 bargains). Sunday paddlers, who needs ‘em? (Maybe if I paddle quietly and slowly, my head won’t hurt so much!) A packed river, with lots of fun and games, including Otter spotting (sadly no beavers seen!)